Sometimes they come back.

Is it ok to lose track of who you were? People change, right? I did too, but in every horrible possible way. I lost track of who I used to be, I lost sight of right and wrong, I lost my reason for doing the right and I lost the ability to look past the moment and think positively. These last 6 months or so I have been avoiding to deal with the truth, which didnt really leave me as a happy person. So I spent almost everyday in a useless attempt to make myself happy. In the process of doing so, I made many spontaneous decisions - most of which were wrong and hurt other people, resulting in first of my many regrets. I hurt everyone I cared about and I hurt myself.

I'm stuck in the moment where I realize I'm turning into someone I dont want to, and their seems to be nothing I feel I can do about it. I'm scared, I'm losing control over who I am. I dont remember when I let my mistakes change who I am. I don't know when I started hurted other people. I dont know when I stopped thinking clearly. I'm scared. I cant find myself, who I used to be. I need to find myself.

I read somewhere that sometimes, you must lose yourself first to find yourself. 

Step 1 - Lose yourself Check

Step 2 - Find yourself In Progress

But no one told me there is a choice after step 1 - Once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

So here what I'm going to do, bring back myself. I know most people choose to let go of who they were. But I wont. Someone once said - "Sometimes it's easier to start over than to fix your mistakes". So I'm taking the hard road. I'm going to find myself, fix myself and then fix every mistake. And why the hard road - cause I owe it to the people who love me. 

They say life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. I already made a decent human being out of myself a long time ago - not that long ago though - and now I just need to find myself. I guess I fell off the roller-coaster ride that life is. Journey to my own redemption - It's a long way back.

People lose their way. Sometimes they come back.