I'm Back ♥

It's a long post - this will keep you going hopefully 

Aww, right ♥ ?

I’m back in KL. There are drunk people outside my hostel and one guy is yelling “Wake up. It’s morning!” – though he has a hot accent and from my window he looks hot, well I am on the 5^th floor so could be deceiving – For god’s sake, it’s 3 am not morning, well who cares. There are cars honking and I’m stuck inside my hostel. I can’t sleep. 

First week here - insane. Why? Cause I was homeless for 4 days (crashed at a friend’s place – Pretty awesome). Second week was pretty much the same and so was the third week. Got registered for subjects and shit, had Chinese new year break and 2 more days off. Crashed at my friends again and went all retarded – had an insane movie marathon at the cinema 10:20 to 2:30 am and and I paid 7RM in cents for popcorn. Trust me - that was a lot of cents. There is an entire video of me doing it. It’s like I’m drunk well I wasn’t though but damn the cashier girl’s face was epic LOL. And then there is a huge list of retarded stupid things I have done with my friends after returning ♥ :)

That’s some of the stuff I’ve been upto.

Lately, I can’t seem to sleep. There is no mental peace. My anxiety levels are extremely high. Life is good and all – well I have a new addition to my family; a new brother :), I’m on the dean’s list – no I’m not a geek or a nerd, I’m a little book-smart. Learn the difference bitches :) - and I’m not homeless but somewhere deep inside me there is something lurking, something that wants me to break loose and go insane and unleash my wild side., something that is probably dark & retarded. The overwhelming urge to do something crazy spontaneous is killing me. There are thoughts lurking inside me and my mind has been obsessing about something and not being able to talk about it is killing me.

But otherwise my life is good. Life?!?! Y U NO LET ME LIVE IN PEACE -_-?? – anyone who knows what are internet memes will get this.

I have also developed an insane obsession with Eminem’s songs. No idea why though but everytime I listen to his lyrics, inspiration runs like a drug through my veins and his songs are the only songs that do not remind me of anyone or anything in my life – sweet enlightening escape. I started drawing again too. I did my first sketch of a person. One of my friend’s birthday is coming and so I wanted to give something special – cause that’s my thing (H) – so I made my friend’s sketch and I’m thinking to get it printed on a shirt. I’m so unsure of that idea though.

Well, I know I was trying to find myself some months ago. The truth is I have a somewhat dark side which emerges sometimes. I don’t need to do any searching; I am who I have always been with all my personality swings, my art, my writing and the music.

I am so freaking homesick this semester. Maybe that has more to do with the fact that my family just got larger and the fact that I saw Abdul Rehman break down completely at the airport. The memory so crystal clear in my head – he was on his knees sobbing his big beautiful eyes out and begging me to take him with me on his knees. It broke my heart to leave him but he’s ok now but I miss him. Oh god the melodrama of my heart and brain playing games with me -_-

This year I got everything I wanted and everything changed. I found love. Friendship. Freedom. An experience. The biggest roller-coaster of my life. And at the end of this year, I'm glad about everything - from all the tears to the laughter, from the decisions to the regrets & mistakes, from the pain of losing to the bliss of finally finding. This I wished to immerse a heart long afraid to feel and I wouldn’t give it back for the world.

This year I took a step outside who I am and outside my world and found endless possibilities.

Things will go wrong and everyone makes mistakes.

We all should get caught up in the moment sometimes, sometimes the consequences are worth it. A life without regret isn't living.

Some people are impulsive and some people take calculated risks. Impulsive is always better.

I like my life this way - memories written all over parts of my life and my friends and family taking up most of my time, I like my life coloured and filled with people I know and I don't mind the problems coming and going. 

PS Check out Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Copperman :)