F**k! Frustration!

And you reach the point you can't take it anymore, and its not that you can't understand, its jst that you don't want to anymore, your mind is tired, your soul is broken and your mistakes keep haunting you, as you keep making them over and over again. You're stuck in the malicious quicksand of vicious destruction that life is sometimes capable of. People have left. Those remaining are drowning with you. As you go down, there are those you glimpse who have been there and made it out of it, yet they can't help you. You have no one to turn to. You keep drowning. WHY??? The screams of this repeating question echo in your head, fade away and echo louder over and over again till you feel yourself turn into a mindless haunted person. You feel dead inside. Yet, your heart bleeds,but it bleeds black now. What do you do? 


What do you do? Give Up? Keep Fighting Back? Or just escape for a few moments everyday.

All I want is to escape it all ♥ 

Man, I want to be this relaxed.

Escape from my Everyday Life ♥ 

even if it is for a few moments

I feel real sad sometimes :(

Everyday, it gets harder. That doesnt mean I stop fighting back. But sometimes, I just need a break. My idea of break --- doing anything that just puts my mind on an entirely different matter, like writing or cooking, or even dancing, could be anything that does n.o.t frustrate me!!! So, I decided I'll do random blogging, sounds fun, not like anyone I know will read it. Hell, you probably don't even know who I am lol. Ok, probably maybe no one will read it but it just feels good to write it out, you know like let it all out. Man that feels good. 


I'm an average girl (maybe not so average). I have my ups and downs. A lot of downs. I fight back. At times, I dont. I cry. I hold it inside. I laugh. Be all happy for like the smallest reasons, like "No one asked me dumb questions in tutions today". Man, seriously DO NOT take up tutoring unless it is like freaking necessary. At least, don't teach KIDS. Trust me *worst nightmare ever*. Anyways, I get depressed a LOT and easily. It's like BOOM! I get angry and then slowly anger melts in depression and just leaves me more frustrated. 

FRUSTATION man!! :@

Why my anger melts into depression? Why don't I let it out? Cause the guy I'm crazily in love with *if i start on how much i love him i'll probably never stop* doesnt like me to do dumb things when I get angry (cause normally I'd just smash the glass on the wall with my hand, which usually gives me cuts, or I'll take a lot of tablets and sleep for like 14-16 hours, and thts dangerous) So my only option is -- *wait for it* --- Yeah, Get epic Depressed about it ( and he doesnt even like that :O dude what am I supposed to do? turn into a mindless zombie and act all numb and not feel the anger? I'd have to be inhumane for that.


Anyways, I guess I'll go back to tutoring now. I fucking hate it. This KID is DARN annoying. *sometimes I feel like shooting myself when i teach* Going back to my everyday hell. 

"Grief is an ocean. And I'm Drowning"

♥ Black Hearts, Black Souls, Bleed Black Everyday ♥

-xoxo