Agh!! Every Inch of my body hurts today. Had graduation yesterday *which sucked* but the after party was f**king awesome. Danced crazy, all of us turned into some homo sluts *or we were just horny or something* and did sheesha(hookah). So basically, I had decided I'm not gonna be nice to this person *lets call her X, i hate X in math :P*. Cuz X talked shit behind my back to my good frnd *who raped her with words*. *tht bitch*. It's like she was never there for me and is always there to judge me. So I told her I never want to see her again. For some weird reason, she assumed I said that cause of a guy *lame, I know right?* Blah, so that pissed me off and I was in the full mood to bitch slap her in the face etc etc.
Heres what happened -- I hugged her and said "Congrats on graduating" That killed me on the inside man. So, along with X i had told some other girls too that I didn't want to see them. Well, I hugged them all too lol. And amongst those girls was also my ex-best friend. I didnt hug her *cause I know that the moment I hug her I'll start crying* but she came up to me and told me that I look pretty :) I miss her a lot, it makes me want to cry. I'm not against people changing and shit but srsly if you are changing, at least behave the same man! Like come on, at least to your best frnd. You are supposed to be there for them. Man, my friends were such a huge part of my life and I absolutly hated to tell them that I don't want to see them again. Even though I miss them and all *sometimes cry bout it too*, I don't think it'll ever be the same with us again cause I hate 2-faced people and judgemental people. They really piss me off. You werent there for me. You have no right to judge me. And One more thing I hate -- I hate it when people tell me what to do. Absolutely. Hate. It.
Yesterday, all of my feelings just surfaced. Yeah I almost cried, but then i was like "Hell, its not even my graduation" lol. God, I felt so imperfect yesterday. All my friends are Flawlessly B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. and have amazing figures. Me compared to them, I'm like that leaf a bouquet of roses. Sure leaves are pretty sometimes, but roses are simply stunning. Felt pretty low about myself. I helped my really really really really close friend to dress up. I did her hair. Man she looked breath-stakingly gorgeous. Lol I was proud of her like shes my daughter or something *well i do treat her like shes my daughter, weird right?* I hung out all grad with her, and went over to a friends place. We spent half an hour stripping off and getting into comfort zone clothes. lol then yeah went to the whole homo-sluts-gone-high. Was Fun. X wasnt there. :D
Jeez I look at the photos and I'm all like I look horrible. I got like no sleep in 34 hours. Then slept off for 11 and half hours. I did wake up in the middle, I really missed my guy. like really really really really really a lot. I didn't get to talk to him till today. He waited for me till 5 in the morning. Awww, right? I had a fight with my parents and they switched off the modem and shit. So I had no net. NO SKYPE :O That SUCKED. My mom like screamed crazy at me x_x That pissed me off so bad.
It was one hell of a day, with crazy mood swings. I was all happy, then all depressed, then all happy, then all depressed. Day ended depressed though. Today is also depressing. Why? Cause I'm tutoring on a FRIDAY! *fridays are like sundays here* Life sucks. Moms mad at me. I didnt get to talk to *him* properly. I'm in debt. huge debt. I have no job. No admission in any university. No school. I'm like the most useless person ever. I feel old. Ugly. Underaccomplished. Useless. Perfectly imperfect. Depressed. Frustrated. Stressed.
And with my mom not talking to me. I feel depressed and I feel like crying. And the whole graduation thing. Ahhh!!!! Someone please fucking cheer me up. I really need a hug. I need to fix myself. I look hideous. And I'm FUCKING sick of tutoring. Like ugh!!! Whatever... I'm in a bad mood today. a total bitch today. I guess I'll go call up someone to cheer myself up. *sad face*
I wish I was beautiful.
Emo
-xoxo
You ARE EXTREMELY "beautiful" to the ones you matter, you do not really need it to be heard out aloud by anyone specifically about that. You do not need to wait for ppl's comment on ur dressing or makeup in a "party" or anywhere, bcoz most of them, simply dont care!
ReplyDeleteHigh-5 on the Judging part!
And remember you hold the most importance to people you know, your heart whispers to you about.