Life As We Know It ♥ (at least as how I know it)

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It's like 2 am, I cant sleep. So I thought, "Why not blog?". I don't think I mentioned it earlier *like duh, i wrote barely 1 post lol* but here goes-- I'm an Insomniac. That happened in November 2009, the begining of the worst time of my life. I guess depression and insomnia go hand-in-hand, you get one, soon you get the other. I hope even my enemies dont have to go through it. Seriously, no one deserves it. Long story short, I got betrayed like epic bad. But its not their fault *yes it was a hell lot more than 1 person, and all in the same month*, its also my fault. For a long time, I choose to blame only them, but you what I realised? Once I accepted my part, it just became easier. Sometimes in life, you've just got to stop fighting it, and accept it.

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There's an old saying: 

"Whatever happens, happens for a reason."

I never believed it. But it's true. God, Life is amazing, everything sure happens for a reason. If I had never been broken, I wouldn't have learned to get over it I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasnt for that betrayal. I remember asking "Whats the point of living life?". And not just once, but probably a million times. Man, that question seems so damn pointless at the moment cause all I want to do is live life to the most I can. ♥

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Fall in love with the wrong things, get into trouble, laugh for no reason, cry, dance in the rain, and do it before you get too old, before life makes you bitter, cause trust me it will. Not like you can't get out of it but the chances are rare. I first wrote; the chances are like getting a miracle but then i realised miracles happen everyday, so i pressed the backspace and wrote "rare" instead lol. I want to do wrong things and make them feel right. Make spontaneus decisions. Do things without thinking. Say what's on your mind, more like scream it out. Be the reason for the smile on someone's face ♥

I want be the reason for the smile on people's faces. I want to be that person who defies every law of life. I want to be there for people who need someone to give them hope. I want to give those people who have lost all hope a reason to make it through everyday. I want them to believe because no one was there for me, I'll make sure I'm there for someone at least. I just feel good inside everytime I find out I made someone depressed, smile. It makes my heart smile. I dont know why other people dont do it. Don't you want to feel your heart smile? Dont you want the satisfaction to know that you might have made someone remember how to smile, make them remember the bright side? Why doesnt it matter to anyone? Honestly, Maaaaan the feeling is so peaceful, it uplifts my heart and soul. And when someone is crying and you make them laugh, the sound of their laughter feels like heavenly music to my soul. Ok, maybe this all sounds exaggerated but I still dont know why people dont do it. And why no one was there for me. Man, i remember being so alone, so lost, like my soul was drowning and I couldnt come up but I guess it's just life, we all go through it some time.

For a very long time, i was a pessimist, a part of me still is. I made friends, but never let them get close. Never let anyone inside. Kept my words to myself cause my words matter to me more than anything, for some very weird reason which I don't know. For so long, I blocked all emotions, blocked all thoughts of my heart *yes I could do that*, put up shields around my heart, that loneliness began to absorb me, I become so frustrated, so depressed. I even started looking like a person with a broken soul. Take my word on this, no one wants to go through what I went through, it S.U.C.K.s. Never let fear control you. Why is this fear? Cause it was my fear of getting my heart broken again that I gave up on life, stopped believing. After a point, you just got to it accept it.

And yes the MOST important thing is life is to dream. Keep dreaming, it's like a fire escape from life. When it gets too hard, start dreaming *dude not during a test though :P* Dreams are like hopes, they are reasons to make it through everyday for many people. Why stop dreaming when you get up? ♥

One more thing --- Make Epic Memories ♥ Don't live, but Breathe each moment ♥ Saviour each moment for a lifetime. Its Just life. Smile, it'll be ok in the end. And if it's not ok, it's not the end ♥

Wow, 3 am now, I better get going, reality calls :) It's not as bad as I said in my first post. Not that bad ♥

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I found my saving grace. He saved me. 

Believe that you'll find yours too ♥

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Believe. Dream. Everyday ♥   

-xoxo