No blog for I guess too many days. My right hand was fucked. Got 5 stitches. Glass broke etc etc *not important*. I'm kinda fine now. The feeling of drowning is also going away. However, I do slip into occasional depression. I just realized today that its amazing how some lyrics hit my heart like bullets when I can relate them to my reality.
The worst past of my week -- I'll never be cooking again. Never. Ever. The thought depresses me *made a promise etc etc* I love cooking. I dont really know who I am anymore. I used to be the girl found in the kitchen most of my day -- either eating or cooking. I love cooking *I think I've said that before*.
Normal weekdays, at 4am or other earling morning times, I'd be found in the kitchen dancing, singing and cooking -- that is the 3rd best part of my day. 1st is when he tells me he loves me, and it feels like everything will be okay. 2nd is when I find out again and again that having my baby brother in my life is a huge blessing. I'm gonna miss cooking so damn much *sad face, cries a river and drowns in it* <--- okay exaggeration lol. And the amount of weight I'll be losing now, I dont know how I'm supposed to deal with that. I eat like barely twice a day -- breakfast, which I cook, and dinner, which my mom makes. and even though my mom is a good cook -- I cant eat her food -- I d o n t like it. Ugh what am I supposed to do with my life? No university has accepted me yet *which sucks*.
Songs I'm listening to today mostly:
Avril Lavigne - Black Star
John Gold - Hope Springs Eternal
McFly - Take Me There
Edith Backlund - Sincerly Hope Its You
David Cook - Permanent
Cold Play - Strawberry Swing
Colbie Caillat - The Little Things
Jojo - Forever in My Life
Jason Walker - Down
Radius - There She Goes
The best part of my day today until now (its 2:43 am, but my day doesnt end until I sleep lol) My parents dragged me to this picnic with some families I barely know. So all I did was -- I had my back against a rock and head facing the sky, I just stared on with soft music, got a tear or maybe two but man it was relaxing, like bliss. Like I could get away from everyday for an hour or two.
But damn I missed him ♥
The cool breeze felt so good. The food wasnt that bad, okay it was good but lately I havent been able to eat *long story*. Also, I tried to teach my baby to play like a normal kid on swings *seriously, he plays a hell of video games, he needs to be a normal kid*. Man, I feel like fucking dizzy atm. I like lost a lot of blood, and I'm already aneamic and shit, so sucks. I hate getting hurt. Its like now I'll have more scars. S U C K S. Today wasnt bad, bearable. Lately, I have just been sleeping all day, helps with depression. If I can't cook, well I'll just dream of it. I'm tryna stay strong, but it gets epic hard sometimes. I'll go now, my hand is killing me.
Trying to stay strong.
-xoxo
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