Grief is an Ocean and I'm Drowning.

Depressed again today. Epic Depression.

For god-knows-what-reason, I've been feeling fucking imperfect for the past two days. My self-esteem seems to keep falling. I'm just disappointed in myself. And slowly the feeling of drowning is coming back to me. All I want is pain equivilant to death, yet something that won't kill me completely. I want to feel alive. And if pain makes me feel alive, then thats all I want. I just don't feel ok. The worst part I don't even know why. My head is pounding and there is this dagger stabbing my heart over and over again in a muderous rythm killing me inside slowly. I need to stop being depressed.

A quote from Daughtry's Song "Its not over" ---- This love is killing me.

I want to be ok. Cheer me Up. Too depressed to write more. Ahhhhh FUCK!!!! I hate this. Give me some pain. Just do anything. Take away the pain I feel inside.

I'm so off balance. Every little thing trips my emotions. Tears trigger so easily.

I get hurt a little too often, a little too easy. 

No one can hears the silent painful screams of my heart. Maybe its because I dont want anyone to, I dont need to let anyone inside these walls around my heart. It feels like my heart is getting stabbed continuously. And sometimes I feel like I should quit, just give up.

I cant take the pain sometimes. And most of the times I want to die.

I'm back to being angry and depression. Misery sure doesnt go away.

Unaware of all the chaos around me. I feel numb. So dead. I'm bleeding black inside.  I've been walking around my house pointlessly. My heads empty. All I can feel is something stabbing my heart. And my heart is making a silent plea -- Kill me please. Cant write no more.

All I want is to be ok.To be happy. To be Cured.

Grief is an Ocean and I'm drowning

-xoxo