Fear Changes Everything. No Fear ♥

I dont have anything to write about today so I'll just post one of my old writing XD Its about -- wait for it --- Fear. Its not that bad :P *self-flattery* PS I'm happy todayyy :D

Fear changes everything. There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you have got to do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it. It's hard to fight the things we are afraid of. Sometimes we just need a little help.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. When you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember; it’s only in the black of night, we see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble and fall, because most of the times the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most; because it’s only when you’re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the  h e a r t a c h e   and fear of what life has.

Life's funny sometimes and can push pretty hard, like when you fall in love with someone, but they forget to love you back. Like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone. Like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and can't take it back. In sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny.

Take a look at yourself in a mirror, who do you see looking back? Is it the person you want to be? Or is there someone else you were meant to be, the person you should have been, but fell short of? Is someone telling you can’t or won’t? Because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life. Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that. And let go of the fear. Maybe you'll get everything you wished for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you? The road is long, and in the end, the journey is the destination. 

Lalalala --- Cheer Up, Life is Short.

And yeah, I also feel very much in   L O V E   today ♥ :)

-xoxo

I'm Alive

No blog for I guess too many days. My right hand was fucked. Got 5 stitches. Glass broke etc etc *not important*. I'm kinda fine now. The feeling of drowning is also going away. However, I do slip into occasional depression. I just realized today that its amazing how some lyrics hit my heart like bullets when I can relate them to my reality.

The worst past of my week -- I'll never be cooking again. Never. Ever. The thought depresses me *made a promise etc etc* I love cooking. I dont really know who I am anymore. I used to be the girl found in the kitchen most of my day -- either eating or cooking. I love cooking *I think I've said that before*.

Normal weekdays, at 4am or other earling morning times, I'd be found in the kitchen dancing, singing and cooking -- that is the 3rd best part of my day. 1st is when he tells me he loves me, and it feels like everything will be okay. 2nd is when I find out again and again that having my baby brother in my life is a huge blessing. I'm gonna miss cooking so damn much *sad face, cries a river and drowns in it* <--- okay exaggeration lol. And the amount of weight I'll be losing now, I dont know how I'm supposed to deal with that. I eat like barely twice a day -- breakfast, which I cook, and dinner, which my mom makes. and even though my mom is a good cook -- I cant eat her food -- I   d o n t like it. Ugh what am I supposed to do with my life? No university has accepted me yet *which sucks*.

Songs I'm listening to today mostly:

Avril Lavigne -- Everybody Hurts
Avril Lavigne - Black Star
John Gold - Hope Springs Eternal
McFly - Take Me There
Edith Backlund - Sincerly Hope Its You
David Cook - Permanent
Cold Play - Strawberry Swing
Colbie Caillat - The Little Things
Jojo - Forever in My Life
Jason Walker - Down
Radius - There She Goes

And many more ... I could go on forever if I named everything I listened to today. Mostly Depressing and Love songs, but there was a phase during the day when I heard like all club and party songs. Damn I have a hell lot of mood swings. I guess thats a flaw. Its like I'm pms-ing 24/7/365 LOL.

The best part of my day today until now (its 2:43 am, but my day doesnt end until I sleep lol) My parents dragged me to this picnic with some families I barely know. So all I did was -- I had my back against a rock and head facing the sky, I just stared on with soft music, got a tear or maybe two but man it was relaxing, like bliss. Like I could get away from everyday for an hour or two.

But damn I missed him ♥

The cool breeze felt so good. The food wasnt that bad, okay it was good but lately I havent been able to eat *long story*. Also, I tried to teach my baby to play like a normal kid on swings *seriously, he plays a hell of video games, he needs to be a normal kid*. Man, I feel like fucking dizzy atm. I like lost a lot of blood, and I'm already aneamic and shit, so sucks. I hate getting hurt. Its like now I'll have more scars. S U C K S. Today wasnt bad, bearable. Lately, I have just been sleeping all day, helps with depression. If I can't cook, well I'll just dream of it. I'm tryna stay strong, but it gets epic hard sometimes. I'll go now, my hand is killing me.

Trying to stay strong.

-xoxo

Deeper and Deeper.

Still depressed. the feelings are overwhelming me. All I want is death. I just feel like I don't know anything anymore. Do you know how it feels when you look into the eyes of someone you love and see the you are their greatest regret? The regret that killed that someone. And the pain of knowing you are just disappointment to people who love you and whom you love? and the self-disappoinment slowly kills you. But then again it doesnt matter cause you are dead inside. But Why? Why do you still feel the pain? Why is the stabbing not going away? And all the other Whys haunting you. Grief is a maddening feeling. I just cant do anything anymore.

To describe how I feel, I'll just post a note I wrote 9-10 mnths ago cause I'm back to feeling this way ---

I can’t do it and even worse I don’t know why I can’t do it. Whatever happens, I would always have my concentration, full control of my mind. Things have changed, as far as I know it’s not for good or for my best. I miss being in control. I can’t write as I used too; usually words would flow into the page, I could pour out my heart out, empty out all my feelings. At least, I could draw; just take out my frustration, pain and anger. These things just don’t happen anymore. I stare at the blank page, my mind numb. I’m tired now; I’m sick of holding it all inside, I’m drained of all my power, I don’t want to be strong anymore, I want to let it out but I cant trust any one. Cause I'm afraid they'll see me for who I think I really am. I'm a murderer. A haunted lonely one. These pages can no longer fill up my loneliness. I could use a tight bear hug, a shoulder to cry on and some one to just talk to, without any judgements. But I got these walls around my heart, I’m scared someone will enter my heart and then rip it apart over again. I am afraid; I don’t know who to trust. I’m afraid I’ll get attached, then I’ll miss those people and they won’t miss me back. I’m scared if I trust someone, they’ll break my trust, betray me. I feel tired, dead. I’ve lost all inspiration. I’m fighting a battle; truth be told, I’m losing it. I can feel my soul going into the darkness. I'm afraid they'll look into my soul. Its not pure. Niether  is my heart. I feel lost. I need a guidance angel. I can’t explain. It’s hard. I am losing my faith. I don’t believe in happy endings anymore. They told me it will be hard. That’s a lie; it’s impossible. Holding on everyday, when there is no hope, just pain, I guess it’s not worth it. I’m struggling inside. People probably think its pathetic how depressed I am but they don’t know how it feels; just because I don’t talk about it, it doesn’t mean that it’s not serious. It’s not just bad; it’s horribly painful. I got no one. I feel caged. My death would be a caged one. l can’t wait to be free. But I know I'll never free my soul, its trapped, tied down with guilt and regrets. I wish someone would save me from my demise. Or just kill me.

only death can free this pain

Bleed Black

-xoxo

Grief is an Ocean and I'm Drowning.

Depressed again today. Epic Depression.

For god-knows-what-reason, I've been feeling fucking imperfect for the past two days. My self-esteem seems to keep falling. I'm just disappointed in myself. And slowly the feeling of drowning is coming back to me. All I want is pain equivilant to death, yet something that won't kill me completely. I want to feel alive. And if pain makes me feel alive, then thats all I want. I just don't feel ok. The worst part I don't even know why. My head is pounding and there is this dagger stabbing my heart over and over again in a muderous rythm killing me inside slowly. I need to stop being depressed.

A quote from Daughtry's Song "Its not over" ---- This love is killing me.

I want to be ok. Cheer me Up. Too depressed to write more. Ahhhhh FUCK!!!! I hate this. Give me some pain. Just do anything. Take away the pain I feel inside.

I'm so off balance. Every little thing trips my emotions. Tears trigger so easily.

I get hurt a little too often, a little too easy. 

No one can hears the silent painful screams of my heart. Maybe its because I dont want anyone to, I dont need to let anyone inside these walls around my heart. It feels like my heart is getting stabbed continuously. And sometimes I feel like I should quit, just give up.

I cant take the pain sometimes. And most of the times I want to die.

I'm back to being angry and depression. Misery sure doesnt go away.

Unaware of all the chaos around me. I feel numb. So dead. I'm bleeding black inside.  I've been walking around my house pointlessly. My heads empty. All I can feel is something stabbing my heart. And my heart is making a silent plea -- Kill me please. Cant write no more.

All I want is to be ok.To be happy. To be Cured.

Grief is an Ocean and I'm drowning

-xoxo

One Hell of a Day - Its Aftermath ♥

Agh!! Every Inch of my body hurts today. Had graduation yesterday *which sucked* but the after party was f**king awesome. Danced crazy, all of us turned into some homo sluts *or we were just horny or something* and did sheesha(hookah). So basically, I had decided I'm not gonna be nice to this person *lets call her X, i hate X in math :P*. Cuz X talked shit behind my back to my good frnd *who raped her with words*. *tht bitch*. It's like she was never there for me and is always there to judge me. So I told her I never want to see her again. For some weird reason, she assumed I said that cause of a guy *lame, I know right?* Blah, so that pissed me off and I was in the full mood to bitch slap her in the face etc etc.

Heres what happened -- I hugged her and said "Congrats on graduating" That killed me on the inside man. So, along with X i had told some other girls too that I didn't want to see them. Well, I hugged them all too lol. And amongst those girls was also my ex-best friend. I didnt hug her *cause I know that the moment I hug her I'll start crying* but she came up to me and told me that I look pretty :) I miss her a lot, it makes me want to cry. I'm not against people changing and shit but srsly if you are changing, at least behave the same man! Like come on, at least to your best frnd. You are supposed to be there for them. Man, my friends were such a huge part of my life and I absolutly hated to tell them that I don't want to see them again. Even though I miss them and all *sometimes cry bout it too*, I don't think it'll ever be the same with us again cause I hate 2-faced people and judgemental people. They really piss me off. You werent there for me. You have no right to judge me. And One more thing I hate -- I hate it when people tell me what to do. Absolutely. Hate. It. 

Yesterday, all of my feelings just surfaced. Yeah I almost cried, but then i was like "Hell, its not even my graduation" lol. God, I felt so imperfect yesterday. All my friends are Flawlessly B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. and have amazing figures. Me compared to them, I'm like that leaf a bouquet of roses. Sure leaves are pretty sometimes, but roses are simply stunning. Felt pretty low about myself. I helped my really really really really close friend to dress up. I did her hair. Man she looked breath-stakingly gorgeous. Lol I was proud of her like shes my daughter or something *well i do treat her like shes my daughter, weird right?* I hung out all grad with her, and went over to a friends place. We spent half an hour stripping off and getting into comfort zone clothes. lol then yeah went to the whole homo-sluts-gone-high. Was Fun. X wasnt there. :D

Jeez I look at the photos and I'm all like I look horrible. I got like no sleep in 34 hours. Then slept off for 11 and half hours. I did wake up in the middle, I really missed my guy. like really really really really really a lot. I didn't get to talk to him till today. He waited for me till 5 in the morning. Awww, right? I had a fight with my parents and they switched off the modem and shit. So I had no net. NO SKYPE :O That SUCKED. My mom like screamed crazy at me x_x That pissed me off so bad. 

It was one hell of a day, with crazy mood swings. I was all happy, then all depressed, then all happy, then all depressed. Day ended depressed though. Today is also depressing. Why? Cause I'm tutoring on a FRIDAY! *fridays are like sundays here* Life sucks. Moms mad at me. I didnt get to talk to *him* properly. I'm in debt. huge debt. I have no job. No admission in any university. No school. I'm like the most useless person ever. I feel old. Ugly. Underaccomplished. Useless. Perfectly imperfect. Depressed. Frustrated. Stressed.

And with my mom not talking to me. I feel depressed and I feel like crying. And the whole graduation thing. Ahhh!!!! Someone please fucking cheer me up. I really need a hug. I need to fix myself. I look hideous. And I'm FUCKING sick of tutoring. Like ugh!!! Whatever... I'm in a bad mood today. a total bitch today. I guess I'll go call up someone to cheer myself up. *sad face*

I wish I was beautiful.

Emo

-xoxo

Hope. My Saving Graces ♥

I have 2 saving graces, not one.

So yesterday, it took me not a lot of time to cheer up. By 11:30 I laughed so much that my stomach hurt and I was on the floor. The reason -- I found out my lil brother, who's 5, can speak a somewhat broken version of English. Man he sounded so damn cute. How did i find that out?

Him: I'm hungry (in urdu)

Me: What you wanna eat? (urdu)

Him: Noodles. 1 Packet. 

Me: Lol okay, why one packet? why? why? (i sed 1 why in urdu)

Him: the hungry i am

haha awww, riight?

He was tryna tell me he's hungry :D 

So for the fun of it, us all sibblings kept talking to him in English. He loves my room. *sometimes thinks that it is his* :P

He told me "Get out in the my room"

He told me to get out. Out of my Own room! LOL and I was like its my room, then he goes like "NO my room.... look.... Picture" I have his picture framed in my room. So he was pointing at it. lol, cute, right? And after his further adorable attempt to speak a bit more of what is his idea of english -- which is joining a string of words which make sense to him -- he made me stand on the weighing machine with him and then saw our total weight and he was like "We have to eat!! we have to gain weight!! Make noodles!! 2 packets!!" lool man he really brightens up my life. He brings so much joy to my heart. I really don't know how I would have made it out of life this far without him. I love Babies :) He is my first saving grace ♥

I'm really happy today :D

Reasons:

1. Just 1 tution which doesnt start till 9:30 

2. Graduation tommorow, means I get a chance to do Sheesha(Hookah) and prolly sum bitch fights too :P *or it cud b boring as always l-)*

3. It's my 5 months Anniversary :D:D:D:D Just this one reason is making me epic happy :D Yayie! ♥ ♥ *I love love love love love love love him a lot a lot a lot, he makes my life so much better :)* ♥ my second saving grace ♥

Lol I actually forgot that its my anniversary 0.o until a really really really really *couldnt write enough reallys* good friend wished me.And then yay! I'm all happy :D *I was already happy* but then I became more happy :D

I made pastries this morning ♥ They were good. Man my weight just keeps falling. It really freaks me out. I mean how is it even possible? I ♥ FOOD!! and cooking!! and Eating ♥ I think I'm gonna go make some pasta now, if I have the time. I have like so much to do!!! I have to correct these business past papers for some girl I don't even know, write a personal statement for a good friend, make this video thing for grad and I have to make this dumb worksheet for the kid who comes to my tutions. Every since, I finished 12th, I've bin so effin busy. And I thought finishing off 12th early would be loads more free time till January.

I'm looking for a new good recipe for pasta. Cant find any. Sucks. I love food ♥ *i must hve mentioned it a million times*. lol Anyways, I'm just having a real good day :) I guess life's not that bad at all. Actually pretty AWESOME atm. Anyone depressed out there? Want to cheer up? I'll give you 1 damn good idea, find a hot, stubborn guy, who works out or is like epic strong, then go like "Hey beautiful lady" LMAO trust me, you'll laugh. and if you dont then umm heres one that will make you laugh --- A pigeon shit on my sister's head XD. If you still dont laugh, man please stop being depressed 0.o Being happy is good for health sometimes. Anyways, I guess I'll go now, but I've got to say this saying, I absolutely LOVE it.

"Life's funny sometimes and can push pretty hard, like when you fall in love with someone, but they forget to love you back. Like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone. Like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and can't take it back.

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back."

- One Tree Hill ♥

He's got my heart ♥ 

Must-Have Song - Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol ♥

-xoxo

Bad Day *sad face*

Last night, I had the worst sleep of my life. Make that last morning. lol. I slept around 7:30 am or maybe 8. thn woke up at 9:00, thn 9:32, thn 10:00, thn 11:27, then was lying in my bed half-sleep, half-awake till 1:27 or maybe that was 1:47, but whatever, the point is it SUCKED. It was a fitful sleep, extremelyyyy annoying. Just of thinking it makes me all annoyed. And to top off that sleep, I got weird dreams *which I dont remember what they were, but i remember their weirdness*.

I am so freaking pissed off today. Reason? TUTORING. At the back of my mind, this is what my head screams loudly, "FUCK You KID!!! fuck YOU!!! I want to shove your dumb-ass REPEATING, P O I N T L E S S questions up up your own ass. FUCK you!!! You'll fail n it'll be MY FAULT!!" Dude, this kid is like dying for attention or something, its cute at first but when the kid becomes overly desperate for attention. It is not cute. Just Annoying. Fucking annoying. Man, Kill me someone. He is in 4th. He knows addition and today he asked me " 0 + 2 = 2, right?" He knows the answer. He just HAS to ask me. It was more like he is statiing it, and I have to agree with it. I was eating and he called me to STATE 0 + 2 = 2, just so that I agree with him.

Never. Teach. Kids.

You cant even begin to imagine the bliss I felt when his dad came and he left. *sigh* peace, well only till when the next student comes, which is at 9 00 or 9 30 pm. I tutor like 6 to 8 hours everyday and my mom goes like "You do no work". and i'm like... Srsly? That's ALL she has to say after the 8 hours of torture I go through? Ok, that's not all. It's usually an extended version, ending with telling me what a useless person I am. Add a variety of other insults along with that.  Moms *roll eyes* :P

Sometimes *most of the times* I feel like pretty low about myself. My self-esteem is probably negative *If thats possible*. I'm not pretty enough. Not a good daughter enough. Not a good student enough. Just Not Good Enough. I feel like I'm some major disappointment to my parents. and to everyone else sometimes. Today is just one of those days where I'm frustrated and I don't feel good enough about myself. I wish I was perfect. (well who doesnt wish that?)

But the truth is I'm not perfect and probably will never be. I'm flawed. Sinfully flawed. But I keep trying over and over again. And still I'm just not good enough. Ok, getting too depressed here thinking of it more now. So I guess, I'll talk(write) about something else. Oooo does anyone like butter crossaints? ♥ Man I love love love love *ok too much of love* them. They are so damn delicious. I love eating and I love cooking. I love feeding people. I use force if I have too :P

Food is like a huge, and when I say huge, i mean HUGE, blessing ♥ Lol, everytime I'm depressed,I eat(not everytime, in certain types of depression, I just cant eat), and I cook. Mostly Pasta :D This is gonna sound a little childish but i'm gonna write it anyways --- when i grow up/when i'm done with my BBA *this one sounds bttr*, I so am gonna open up my own restaurant. That's my dream *aww dreams* (PS i love awww-ing, I literally aww at everything). My mom says I won't do it. And just the same,I'll do it to proove her worng :D It's not like she doesnt love me (of course, she loves me, i am so loveable :P *self-flattery*), she just seems to have an affliction for prooving me wrong or discouraging me. Anyways, the restaurant -- I want to open it firstly here where I live. No place like home. (even though its not my home country, but I love it all the same, nop, actually more). I love cooking. My idea of a perfect meal --- Chicken Manchuriyan with Chinese Rice, Dessert - Blueberry or Strawberry CheeseChake. Ok, now I'm feeling hungry 0.o I guess I'll go cook :D It'll help me feel better about myself too :D ♥ ♥ ♥

Cute Right? ♥

Wow almost 9, Ugh! Time to tutor. I'll guess I'll cook later. My friends' high school graduation is coming up. I was supposed to graduate with them. I'm not. That depresses me. My graduation is I think 1st of July. I changed schools, some issues about the subjects I took. Blah.... I wish I could graduate with them *sad face*. It'll be fun anyways. I'm crashing, along with around 10 others. I'm not invited lol. and besides I got my new awesome friends to graduate with :)




Ok, I feel really low about myself all over again atm. *sad face* Agh!!! Why do I have so many FLAWS?

 Life really sucks sometimes, like today. *I know I'll probably be fine by the morning, i hope*

Emo Today. Bleed Black ♥

-xoxo

Life As We Know It ♥ (at least as how I know it)

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It's like 2 am, I cant sleep. So I thought, "Why not blog?". I don't think I mentioned it earlier *like duh, i wrote barely 1 post lol* but here goes-- I'm an Insomniac. That happened in November 2009, the begining of the worst time of my life. I guess depression and insomnia go hand-in-hand, you get one, soon you get the other. I hope even my enemies dont have to go through it. Seriously, no one deserves it. Long story short, I got betrayed like epic bad. But its not their fault *yes it was a hell lot more than 1 person, and all in the same month*, its also my fault. For a long time, I choose to blame only them, but you what I realised? Once I accepted my part, it just became easier. Sometimes in life, you've just got to stop fighting it, and accept it.

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There's an old saying: 

"Whatever happens, happens for a reason."

I never believed it. But it's true. God, Life is amazing, everything sure happens for a reason. If I had never been broken, I wouldn't have learned to get over it I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasnt for that betrayal. I remember asking "Whats the point of living life?". And not just once, but probably a million times. Man, that question seems so damn pointless at the moment cause all I want to do is live life to the most I can. ♥

Like

Fall in love with the wrong things, get into trouble, laugh for no reason, cry, dance in the rain, and do it before you get too old, before life makes you bitter, cause trust me it will. Not like you can't get out of it but the chances are rare. I first wrote; the chances are like getting a miracle but then i realised miracles happen everyday, so i pressed the backspace and wrote "rare" instead lol. I want to do wrong things and make them feel right. Make spontaneus decisions. Do things without thinking. Say what's on your mind, more like scream it out. Be the reason for the smile on someone's face ♥

I want be the reason for the smile on people's faces. I want to be that person who defies every law of life. I want to be there for people who need someone to give them hope. I want to give those people who have lost all hope a reason to make it through everyday. I want them to believe because no one was there for me, I'll make sure I'm there for someone at least. I just feel good inside everytime I find out I made someone depressed, smile. It makes my heart smile. I dont know why other people dont do it. Don't you want to feel your heart smile? Dont you want the satisfaction to know that you might have made someone remember how to smile, make them remember the bright side? Why doesnt it matter to anyone? Honestly, Maaaaan the feeling is so peaceful, it uplifts my heart and soul. And when someone is crying and you make them laugh, the sound of their laughter feels like heavenly music to my soul. Ok, maybe this all sounds exaggerated but I still dont know why people dont do it. And why no one was there for me. Man, i remember being so alone, so lost, like my soul was drowning and I couldnt come up but I guess it's just life, we all go through it some time.

For a very long time, i was a pessimist, a part of me still is. I made friends, but never let them get close. Never let anyone inside. Kept my words to myself cause my words matter to me more than anything, for some very weird reason which I don't know. For so long, I blocked all emotions, blocked all thoughts of my heart *yes I could do that*, put up shields around my heart, that loneliness began to absorb me, I become so frustrated, so depressed. I even started looking like a person with a broken soul. Take my word on this, no one wants to go through what I went through, it S.U.C.K.s. Never let fear control you. Why is this fear? Cause it was my fear of getting my heart broken again that I gave up on life, stopped believing. After a point, you just got to it accept it.

And yes the MOST important thing is life is to dream. Keep dreaming, it's like a fire escape from life. When it gets too hard, start dreaming *dude not during a test though :P* Dreams are like hopes, they are reasons to make it through everyday for many people. Why stop dreaming when you get up? ♥

One more thing --- Make Epic Memories ♥ Don't live, but Breathe each moment ♥ Saviour each moment for a lifetime. Its Just life. Smile, it'll be ok in the end. And if it's not ok, it's not the end ♥

Wow, 3 am now, I better get going, reality calls :) It's not as bad as I said in my first post. Not that bad ♥

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I found my saving grace. He saved me. 

Believe that you'll find yours too ♥

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Believe. Dream. Everyday ♥   

-xoxo