To All Those Who Are Lost, Lonely, Afraid & Unsure ♥

Heads up - This one is all emo at first but it gets better. Haven't done this sort of inspirational thing in a while.

I survived Thursday. And I survived Friday. So - cheers to the freaking weekend I'll drink to that. I made it through the weekend too.

Sunday morning and I was up at 8 am for god knows what reason. I wish I had a button to turn off my mind.

Thursday night was the first time ever in my life I was jealous of something I never thought I would be – my friend’s ability to sleep without anything haunting her mind and keeping her up, while I was studying with my friend, when she decided to take a nap for 5-10 min and she fell asleep instantly.

 Recently, it has been storming a lot in KL and the rain makes me want to throw caution to the wind and get drenched head to toe; just soak up in few of the wonderful things life can give, forget every fucked up thing, listen to the rain falling against the ground and feel the raindrops smash across my face. But from behind my window, all this rain reminds me is of the storm raging inside me – torn between what’s right and what I want, between reality and fantasies, between head and heart.

Some blogs ago in some blog, I wrote - Optimism is sanity and love takes away all sanity. If that is so, I have not one ounce of sanity left in me - everything is chaos and I have no one to talk to about it and yet again my words are building up, slowly suffocating me on the inside but no one can see me. I'm drowning - it's like I'm invisible and love is the rope that is slowly closing up around my neck. I can't breathe anymore. And every time I see him, my heart aches and I need him with an intensity that I can't sleep at night anymore, he haunts my mind and his thoughts stalk my everything I do.

I feel like I can’t find any source of inspiration other than pain – is that even healthy? I feel like I’m slowly being sucked down the drain of depression again. I feel like I’m driving on a long dark road; I can't see a thing and I don’t know where this road is leading to and I’m afraid I’ll land up lost again.

Late at night, every night - if you can't sleep - walk out of your room into the peaceful serenity of the night, light up a cigarette, play some music and smoke up while the night air chills you to your very core till you can't think anymore and exhaustion hits you and you drowse to sleep.

Everything may not always work out and things may not fall to pieces. There will be days where you will feel like a disaster on the inside. But what really matters is if you can smile randomly out of the blue at the end of the day or at the beginning of the day or somewhere in the middle of the day or if you wake up and don’t recall depression, you should know your problems aren’t as huge as you may perceive them to be. And if you can smile regardless what life throws at you, you should know it’ll be ok. As corny as I find the saying “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”, it’s not been said for no reason; it is no doubt true.

 

 So to all those people who are lost, afraid, lonely & unsure of what the future holds, hang in there. Trust me on this, it will fall in place and this crazy world might just start making sense. About some things in life, I’m not sure myself and honest to God I’m hoping everything works out cause I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this messed-up-ness *is that even a word??* and I sure as hell don’t know what I would do if things don’t work out. Life is one jigsaw puzzle after the other, you solve one and the life will throw the same picture smashed in different puzzle pieces to you. 

But always remember - it's in the absolute darkness of the night, when the stars light up the sky to guide you.

And a million stars light up my world every night ♥

Listen to Skylar Grey - Invisible ♥