Random Talk

I had classes on Saturday. Seriously, I don't know why I even went. My days are flying, I cant tell when the week ends and when a new one starts. Anyways, as I had Saturday class, I skipped today's class - actually I was sick but I feel like a bad ass saying I skipped it LOL.

Anyways, finally all my friends are back in KL - Party TIME Bitches! I met a few of my friends this Saturday. Man, my friends can be so so so overly protective of me sometimes - well, I don't blame, my hostel did spring out the doors of the Mordor's doom. My area is creepy, but seriously my friends treat me like I'm a ball of fluff like if I don't go back before night I'll get kidnapped or raped or something. Lol it is kind off cute sometimes and I effin love them for it. This weekend was shit ass boring - my friends played pool, I watched. They smoked, I watched. They talked, I watched *they were speaking in bangla which is like Chinese to me cause I get only bits of Chinese*.

At least, I had amazing food. I had the best subway sandwich. Heaven in my mouth.

Chicken Teriyaki is Love ♥

This year I have to sing. In Chinese. In a group - Chinese Idol much? How much more ridiculous can my life get? Oh god Why? Every time I learn Chinese, I feel like a freaking dog cause saying the same thing in another tone means something else exactly how a dog barks the same thing to send out different messages. Not that I'm racist - who am I kidding, okay I am very racist sometimes, only sometimes - I know how Chinese torture people, they can just teach us their language, it's so fucking hard, how on earth is it the 3rd most spoken language?

I'm so swamped with studies, friends, things to do, birthdays, tests right now - I have no time to stay in touch with my parents, which sucks. HOME?!?! Y U SO FAR AWAY!

I've been 9gagging too god-damn much -_-

True Story Bro!

I've this bad-ass craving to go and dance like a maniac but unfortunately I cant. Too much. Why is there so much month at the end of my money? Right now, it's literally storming outside. It's beautiful and all I want to do is give into chaos, run out and dance in the rain like a maniac but sadly cant risk getting sick.

Oh god tomorrow is "Forever Alone Day". I honestly don't get the point of valentines. Just another reason to spend money. Oh god I'll have to suffer seeing gooey couples everywhere I go which sucks - throws up. Buy roses, chocolates, gifts, romantic gestures and fucking RED & PINK EVERYWHERE - BARF. I know I am like a romantic but seriously Valentine's is lame. Saint Valentines is no Romeo & Juliet. I honestly prefer sleeping and enjoy another subway sandwich while I watch Community - awesome show btw.

Moving on to a little more serious things.

I still have probably sleeping. It's like my mind is haunted. My brain really likes to fuck around with me. Don't get me wrong, my life is going amazing - It's like I'm on a roll with good things, and often I find myself smiling for no reason, I'm dancing and I'm singing - summary; I'm happy. But damn KL is lonely. I'm sitting in a classroom full of people and no one really knows who I am. No one talks to me. I'm sitting inside my room, I have roommates and loneliness is scarring the inside of my head. Loneliness occupies me when I'm in my room, but when I'm outside alone, it's solitude that I feel. If no one has every told you this before, then I'll tell you this - the worst feeling on earth is feeling alone in a crowd. Only when I'm writing I feel alive, like I'm talking, I start typing and the words flow through my mind unto the screen.  Also a few certain things keep bothering me all night. Though this semester is hell better than the last one, at least I have my passport - YES I lost my passport last semester, I thought I would never go home, it was mental torture.

Anyways, my uncontrollable thoughts are such a fucking burden, it is mental anguish. My life at night feels like it walked out of Coldplay's song "Fix You" - "When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Stuck in Reverse". I feel so emotionally exhausted. Like my world is falling and I'm trying so hard to keep it together or like it is changing and I'm draining all my energy to keep everything the same. Truth be told I think it is the change. Change scares me sometimes. People change for better or for worse. Sometimes changes are painful. I don't know how long before I give in and just let it happen. I'm not ready for any changes right now. My life can be so beautiful sometimes, most of the times actually. All this fighting, secrets, holding back, suffocation, loneliness is draining out all my energy. All the end of the day, I'm smiling and I'm crying. My anxiety levels are so high. There is no stress but the fucking anxiety is killing me. It's like I'm waiting for something but I don't know what the hell it is. This emotional exhaustion isn't enough to put me to sleep. It only makes it worse. Oh god, my head is seriously messed up.

Sometimes, I feel if I don't let all these feelings out, I'll turn stone-cold on the inside. So I'm going to blab about them all over here cause I got no one to talk to right now. Anyways, I know it'll work out - hell, it always does. So I'm going to put on my fiercest smile and not let life get to me.

Btw check out "Where are You Now?" by Honor Society. It's awesome.

Also SHOUT OUT to HALIMA ZOHARA for passing her ACCA exams with flying colours. And shout out to ROUA FADL - Welcome back to KL, my biyaatch :)

Follow me on twitter - @xs_sarah

Laugh a Little - This picture always cracks me up no idea why.

Weirdest Adele Impression LOLOL