All Relationships Have an Expiry Date

A friend once said that all relationships have an expiry date. Back then I disagreed. But I was wrong. I was so very wrong.

Love is a lie we tell ourselves. So is forever. Forever is a lie we tell ourselves because we are afraid of the truth. All relationships have an expiry date. There is no such thing as true love. It is all lies made up to shelter ourselves from the basic loneliness that consumes all of us. The lie we tell ourselves to fool ourselves into believing that we are not alone. But we are humans, we lie to ourselves and we tend to forgot reality. The reality that we are utterly alone. No one stays until the very end. All relationships have an expiry date.

Today I told my mom I am never getting married. Not in a humorous way, not lightly but I said it in bitterness and I stormed out on her after that. Maybe to most people that may not be a big deal. But where I come from it is.

I meant it. I am never getting married or falling for anyone. Never again will I naively believe that a thing such as love exists. Never again will I fool myself to be in love. It will take more than a miracle to make me fall in love ever again. Maybe, some divine intervention. But I am done. I am done believing naively. I am done with the lies. It is not real. All my feelings are dead. I feel nothing. Until 3 hours ago, I was still in love with one of my best friends, but I don't believe in love anymore. Love is a lie. And the more I tell myself that, the more I'm sure of it.

Everything has an end. I read somewhere, that forever isn't long enough to love someone. That is also a lie. Forever isn't real enough to love anyone. The world is selfish. No one cares enough. I'm done caring. And I'm done being nice. I want nothing from life anymore. No expectations.

I'm done, what is the point of this marriage/love facade? No one cares. Equal measure is a lie. Everything is a lie. Trust is a lie. Happy endings don't exist. And no one, and I assure you that no one at all can ever make me believe in love again. No one I know. Not even people I have loved.

Endless Black Nothingness

People can argue that there are two basic feelings - happiness and shades of sadness/depression. I disagree. There is indifference. Nothing is a feeling. It is one that I feel. I feel nothing. I want to keep feeling like this. And I will strive for this. Black Nothingness. Endless black nothingness.

All my life, I feel like I was waiting for happiness. I yearned to love, to be loved, to be someone; just someone who mattered. But I'm done yearning. I'm done waiting for life to happen. Now I'm just waiting for life to pass.

No one will ever love you too much. So don't bother. Firstly, love is a lie. Secondly, forever isn't real enough. And, most importantly, all relationships do have an expiry date. So I'm done believing. I'm done trying. I'm done with this; this facade of love and life.

All I need is the air I breathe and a place to lock my heart away. Striving for nothingness. That's all I need.