Sleep. My Escape?

I've bin sleeping a lot lately. Mostly cause waking everday means dealing with the fact tht m leaving and it hurts so bad, and this is one feeling i cant block out even if i want to. Each day i wake up is one day closer to the day i leave. All I wnna do is sleep and never get up. I dont feel like cooking anymore, or doing anything else. Why does this have to be so hard? I hvnt even talked to him in 2 days and I miss him already, how the fuck will I survive there? Uhhhhh this is so hard!! And just thinking of this gave me a headache. I hate leaving. I dont like being so so so much in love. I dont like needing someone this damn much. What do i do?

I keep pushing him away lately. At least thts what my minds telling me to do. Thats wat i do everytym something happens. I just strting pushing away people and I'm trying so hard ryt now to not push away him. Cause its absolutely killing me. I wnna spend every sec of each min left with him. Oh god whatever. I feel so torn apart. I push him away, my heart tugs on harder. I want to stay, but I wanna leave too. I need him, i hate needing him. Why? Why does this have to be so COMPLICATED? :( this love is killing me!!! Theres a knife stabbing my heart over and over again and the pain seems to keep increasing. There are days i dont feel the pain and days it just kills me. Every once in a while I'm sad. All the other times, I'm drowning. I'm sick of feeling this way. Why cant i just be happy? Why wont life just let me be happy? Ugh So many whys. So mny unanswered questions. They said life is hard. Truth is its almost impossible. Kills you every second.