If these walls could talk ♥

If these walls could talk, they'd tell you exactly how many times has the glass been smashed and my blood smeared across them. They'd tell exactly how many tears I have cried and how many times this hearts been broken. They'd tell you everything I have been through. And that how close I am to breaking down, fading away. I could say I feel hollow inside, but truth be told, its a lie. The turmoil of my feelings inside are keeping me so emotionally off balance. My hearts aching. Aching so bad. It hurts. I cant find the words to describe the extent of the pain. Its aching. Aching to be stabbed. I would do anything to let the pain flow out, you know? The heartache? Has anyone felt it? Cause its killing me. I keep telling myself I can make it out of it but I just cant. I can hear the silent yet desperate pleas of my heart. Desperatly begging to take away this pain, anyhow. If death can do it, then so be it. Cause the idea of death is more appealing than this pain.
Being in love can be so hard. Loving your friends. Loving your family. Loving your guy. Its painful. When first I heard "Do you know" by Enrique Iglesias, the line "Do you know how it feels like to love someone, whos in a rush to throw you away?" barely meant anything to me. And now its the rythm to which my heart beats. Yes, being in love is hard. The line "This love is killing me" from Daughtry's song "Its not over" keeps echoing in my head in a mindless rythm. Imagine loving someone with all your heart and soul, and then you have yo leave him. Its hard. Its hard, not impossible. Now, imagine promising yourself that you're never gonna fall in love again after breaking off an almost 3 year relationship which killed you. And then you lock up your heart. Put up these unpenetrable walls around your heart. And then you fall in love. Swear not to tell the guy, but he makes you tell him. Then you get together with that guy, but instead of just letting yourself falling deeper in love, you fight that overwhelming feeling every second of every day and at the end of the each day, you realise that you've just fallen deeper and deeper. And when you think you cant fall any deeper, you do. You cant find even one flaw in him. And everything he does, just makes you fall deeper. Now a part of your heart is fighting the feeling of falling, yet another part is just telling you to give up. And eventually you do. You dont let him inside, but somehow he enters through the foresaken lonely walls of your broken heart and understand you, becoming your saving grace. Then you start to need him, need him insanely. It kills you to even think of losing him ever. And you dont tell him either how much you love him or how much you need him. Now... you have to leave this guy, with the only reason for the breakup as your moving to another country. All he talks about is how will you leave him. And how all the girls hes gonna be with after you leave. About all the beautiful, picture-perfect flawless, better-than-you girls. Now, this is what I call impossible. Dealing with this everyday. Dealing with the pain, the thoughts. It hurts like fucking crazy.
Trust me, never stop yourself from falling in love, you'd just fall deeper than normal people. Its insane. The need. The love. The pain.
My eyes are numb from crying. My hearts a mess. This heartache is killing me. I barely smile anymore. I just need a good hug. I need to cry it all out to someone. I keep saying "I'm ok". Normally, I can fool my heart into believing that but not this time, heartache is too much.
I fell too fast, too deep. ♥

Just Breathe

-xoxo