Timeless Beauty & Love ♥

I changed the blog name. YAY :D Not like anyone cares but I did it anyways.

Adding the song at the top, so you can read while you enjoy music. Yes I am awesome.

I've been trying so hard to find time to write lately. It's not that I don't have time (I'm probably the most free person on earth), I just can't bring myself to let it all out yet. I feel confused and like an idiot,like an 18-year old idiot who has no idea what life is actually about. There is so much drama, I keep thinking I need to grow up, at least that's how everyone else treats me. I mean come on I'm 18, not stupid. I'm struggling through life too, it is harder for me cause this shit is so new to me; I don't know how to cope with it. I'm learning.There is so much drama, and sometimes I wish some people would see beyond the drama; there is more. There is always more.

Fuck it, moving on.

Rainy mornings in KL are distinctly beautiful. Yes, I may find Riyadh better than KL in a million different ways; well, cause it is home. And rain in Riyadh brings out more meaningful, differentiated feelings but here it is so picturesque, giving an escape from the everyday heat of KL. The rain framing the city's skyline perfectly, captivating every onlooker, and completely mesmerizing them with a peaceful serenity.

Curiosity; who has it? I do, its one hell of a problem and one day, mark my words, my curiosity will get me killed. My mind wanders off in directions its not supposed to, and I land up wondering about possibilities which are impossible.

Eyes are the window to the soul - Vinci

Eyes; eyes are fascinating. Sometimes you can tell a whole lot about a person by just their eyes. Moods, emotions, thoughts, opinions, pain; all flash in eyes. Sometimes I stare way longer than I'm supposed into people's eyes; trying to figure them out, trying to find meanings, discover the intensity of their minds' complexity, to watch how moods flash in people's eyes. Its captivating to watch moods flash in people's eyes, especially in a moment which brings a smile back to a depressed face, the spark returning to the eyes. Eyes dance with laughter and drown in tears. And sometimes they show the truth. And sometimes even eyes that have turned cold, melt their ice inside. Its just mesmerizing.

I stopped to talking to him - yes I have mentioned and moped over it in my previous posts - and I still don't feel okay. I just can't deal with it yet. I have asked myself a million times by now and every time I see him online, I want to ask "How are you okay? Don't you miss me? Cause I sure as hell do" but its just life right? Fucking life, that is exactly what everyone else tells me - "this is good for you". Oh really? If it is in fact good for me, then why the fuck do I feel like this, like a total insecure pms-ing retard? I can't walk down a street anymore without getting all paranoid. This may sound - or be read as - retard but I just don't feel safe anymore. I feel like everyone is watching me. Like no one is going to save me. Insecurities and fear are heightened to a whole new level. I need him back in my life.

Sometimes I'm afraid what if I'm the type of person who can't stay single; some co-dependent, pms-ing person who needs to have someone at all times. I don't want to be the person who falls in love because I'm lonely. I want to be able to stay single and feel safe enough. But I'll never get myself to say all these out loud. Somehow saying out loud just makes it feel so much more real, like I'm confessing out all my biggest fears as if they were dark secrets.

Life has taught me that after a certain point, all love changes; either fades out or matures. All we need to figure out is why. There is always a reason for either one. Sometimes it happens naturally as we grow up. People change as they grow up; most grow wiser, some don't, some lose themselves and some discover themselves. Nothing is absolute, eventually everything changes. The bottom line is we all change as we grow up, change as our environment changes, change as we grow through the motions of life. Certain events may change who we are or we may change how we feel about certain people but parents; We love them even when we hate them. Its the only kind of love that deepens with time.

Some call Marilyn Monroe a timeless beauty. But what really is timeless beauty? Timeless beauty; beauty that remains unchanged withstanding time periods. Beauty lies in the eyes if the beholder.Timeless beauty is in those picture perfect moments that get captured in our eyes instead of our cameras. Timeless beauty lies in feelings that move us to our very core every time we think about them. Timeless beauty lies in the feel of a first kiss, first hug, first love and in the memories of the greatest moments of our lives. The first hug you get the first you come back after 6 months living abroad. The first time you let loose and danced in the rain. Timeless beauty is when friends grow old together, when you have someone to share the silence with. 

Growing old with friends ♥

If you really want to see timeless beauty, look into the eyes of a mother; the love for her child is there even before her child is born till her very last breath, through all the flaws and mistakes. And that is true timeless beauty. It goes the same for dads, though it is less emphasized. I know because I see it in my dad's eyes every day. I have seen him work blood and sweat just to get me through college. Words aren't enough to express how much I love my dad for everything he has ever done for me. I may have loved them both since day 1, but they have loved me even before I was born ♥

And timeless love? Love that withstands everything life throws at it, that doesn't fade away with time. It is having someone to speak when words are needed, share the silence when they aren't and to listen when you need to be heard. Mostly it is growing old with someone. Timeless love is in my dad's eyes when he looks at my mom and when she looks back at him. Timeless love is when Abdul Rehman is ready to sleep by my feet, even when there is no space on my bed, just to sleep with me. Timeless love is what I have with my family ♥

I'm just all weirdly emotional today, either its the homesickness, or the recent turn of events or its just these songs triggering my emotions. Maybe I'm not such a bad person as I'm afraid I may  be, I'm just lost and trying to find my way. There is nothing wrong with that, right? We all lose our ways sometimes. 

Words are magic, and I've lost my wand. I can't cast spells anymore.